7 January -- Intimate with Jesus

(click the link above to read the entry in My Utmost for His Highest)

Additional Scriptures: Luke 10:18-20, John 14:9 (1-15), John 15:1-4, 15, John 16:7

Another late post. Well, I just didn't feel like posting this morning. So there ;-) No, really, I just couldn't get my heart into it, nothing was coming. I couldn't understand the concept of an substantial relationship with Jesus.

As I was driving home this evening, I think I figured out why. I couldn't deepen my relationship with Jesus because I didn't want to deepen my relationships with my family. I went to bed a bit miffed at my hubby (of course, if he reads this post he will have no idea why ;-). Bad idea, I know, especially since I woke up still miffed. And it affected everything in the morning. I was overtired and unfocused and just plain grouchy.

I always read the next day's devotional the night before, study about in the scriptures, then pray about it and go to sleep. Because my last few moments last night were of frustration and yeah, probably anger, I got nothing. Well, I probably didn't deserve anything either, except a spiritual smack on the back of the head (You know the one, like Mom used to give that knocks your head forward just a bit ... yeah, you know.)

Then I realize just how many times I have probably deserved that smack on the back of the head from Jesus, and I stop laughing. That's the whole problem with intimacy -- any deep, abiding relationship must be based on the surrender of self. Not surrender to the other person like a slave, but willingly letting go of the "my" perspective -- "my feelings," "my ideas," "my wants" must change to simply "feelings," "ideas" and "wants." Say that sometime. Think of an item or thing that you consistently speak about beginning with the word "my." Then remove the word "my" and repeat the sentence. It puts that thing in a completely different perspective, doesn't it? (And quite often, the perspective is selfish, childish and prideful.)

It is when you surrender sole possession that significant relationships begin to form. So it was with Jesus and his disciples. For three years these men walked, ate, learned from, taught with, preached about and healed because of their close physical proximity to Jesus. They almost treated Him as theirs ... sometimes they even broke into arguments about who was better. And still they didn't know Him. When they "lost" the physical presence of the Savior and were forced to 1) rely on the Spirit to guide them and 2) recognize that they were not the only people deserving of a personal relationship with Him, only then did they began to know not only Jesus but God, the Father.

Well, I guess that means I not only have to work on my relationship with the Lord, but with my husband and family as well. Jeesh ... I think this blog is just making more work for me ;-) Okay, I'll stop whining now.